i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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