She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Boobs speak an international language.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
