exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
