you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
