Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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