Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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