Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
