Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You need a sexual gate keeper
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
