shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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