THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
