her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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