This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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