Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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