The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize