Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
