Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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