It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
