Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
