Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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