I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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