the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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