idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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