you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
