Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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