I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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