FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
