I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
