Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
