I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Sober January is a disaster.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
