Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize