just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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