i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
