Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Randomize
