You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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