Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
