I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
