Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
