loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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