I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
