It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize