yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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