Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
