So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
