so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
