I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I wish I only lived at night.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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