I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize
