He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
