it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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