Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Alive.
So much puke
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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