halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
