so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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