You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i wish my penis had a tongue
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize