It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
