First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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