I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
