dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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