I'm pants shitting drunk right now
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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