you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Is her dick bigger than yours?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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