He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
