ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
