Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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