Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You may now shotgun with the bride
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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