It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
